The "Commiserator"

If you plan on creating & delivering a product or service where you offer community access to one another (many good reasons why you should) you are attracting a cast of characters.

• The Over-Expressive Freud
• The You Wanna-Be
• The Know-It-All
• The Commiserator
  

Let’s put this in context…

A client had us create a new membership program for him. The program includes a secure membership community forum for sharing of ideas, best-practices, and even comments on how to improve the program.

Our client notices he has one person in this small group who seems to find a negative out of everything. The other community members put up with the commiserator’s occasional rants by trying to help her. Everyone is being patient and offering to help.

But there is one big problem…

The commisserator is a negative person and is sucking the life out of the program community.  The commisserator must be taken on…

Because they (Commiserator) will cause you and your community disruption and even failure.

We told our client…

Don’t despair because we have a win-win-win solution.

• Pick-up the phone (it must be the phone) and have a phone call with just her. Just check-up on her and don’t even acknowledge or address any of the concerns you have. Don’t mention a thing about the fact that she is sucking the life out of people. Mention to her you appreciate the way she takes charge of igniting discussion in the group. She will feel important when you do this.
• Always give a commiserator responsibilities to keep them busy & active. Responsibilities might include, featuring her as a case study. Maybe use her as a progress measure of some of the ideas expressed in the course. What will happen is she will either be a champion and implement or she will go silent because she is insecure of “being found out.” Either way, both parties win!

Some who read this post may feel I’ve gone a bit too Sun Tzu in offering you a tactful offensive approach to taking on the commiserator.

Before you call me a commiserator basher know one thing, the commiserator can turn-out to be your biggest fan, but…

I say, better to take the commiserator on than have the commiserator take you and your membership community out.